My transcription from the recording at the Internet Archive. There are a few words or phrases that I couldn’t decipher, indicated by ellipses.


THE DAY I RODE TO BRIGHTON ON MY BIKE
(Gifford & Cliff)
As recorded by Tessie O'Shea with Her Banjulele and Orchestra, on Parlophone A7233 [date unknown].

My doctor said to me:
“You’re stout, you must agree.
I’d get some weight off quick if I were you.”
I said: “OK, old sport.”
So a bicycle I bought,
And a good day’s pedallin’ I meant to do.

And on the day I rode to Brighton on my bicycle to get some exercise,
I meant to take off weight,
Flew at a fearful rate,
Mixed up … someone’s garden gate.
I kept … havin’ spills,
Rode backward up the hills,
And goodness knows what I looked like!
Then something went wrong with the works; the thing I couldn’t steer.
A horse policeman rushed in front to keep the traffic clear.
They caught me in a … ,
On the day I rode to Brighton on my bike.

On the day I rode to Brighton on my bicycle to get some exercise,
With a torn and dusty dress,
I was in such a mess.
Some … shouted: “Rummy! It’s the monster from Loch Ness!”
... both the wheels were bent.
In diff’rent ways they went,
And goodness knows what I looked like!
I found myself beneath the bike instead of on the top.
The colored signal lights … made me stop,
And then I found I’d stuck an hour outside a chemist’s shop
On the day I rode to Brighton on my bike.

Ee! I … road.
When up one hill I rode,
It kept on getting harder ev’ry mile.
I thought that I should drop,
And when I reached the top,
I found I’d had the brake on all the while.

And on the day I rode to Brighton on my bicycle to get some exercise,
I dashed on through the gales,
Up hill and down the dales.
I must have ridden all round England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales.
All through the towns I flew,
And through shop windows too,
And goodness knows what I looked like!
A fellow with a camera a dirty action did:
He snapped me just as I was fallin’ off all through a skid,
And some chap went and bought the photograph for half a quid,
On the day I rode to Brighton on my bike.