The Half Crown Song

I took my girl to a fancy ball. It was a social hop.
We stayed all night until the break of daylight, waiting for the music to stop.
Into a restaurant we went, the finest on the street.
She said she was not hungry, but this is what she eat:

A dozen raw, a plate of slaw, a chicken and a roast,
Asparagrass and apple sauce, with soft-shell crab on toast,
An Irish stew, and dumplings too. Her appetite made me frown.
When she called for pie, I thought I'd die, for I had but half a crown.

You bet I wasn't hungry. I didn't care to eat.
I've got money in my clothes, the best that can't be beat.
She took things so easy! she had an awful tank.
She said she was not thirsty, but this is what she drank:

A glass of ale, a gin cocktail. It made me shake with fear.
A ginger pop with rum on top, and then a jug of beer;
A whiskey stein, a glass of wine. She sure could drink it down!
When she called for more, I fell on the floor, for I had but half a crown.

You bet I wasn't hungry. I didn't care to eat,
Expecting every moment to be kicked out in the street.
She said she'd bring her friends around someday and we'd have fun.
I showed the man my two and six, and this is what he done:

He smashed my nose. He tore my clothes. He hit me on the head.
He grabbed me by the collar then, 'til I was nearly dead.
He caught me where my pants hung loose. He turned me upside down.
Take my advice: don't try it twice, when you got but half a crown.

Joe Flanagan...1933