TRY A MINSTREL
Don't follow a warrior with armour that shines
His attention's for fighting first, second for wine
You'll haul armour to please him and polish it fine
When you want your reward, he'll be snoring like swine!
CHORUS: But a minstrel is gentle, his touch it is light
He knows how to entertain throughout the night!
He's never too tired, or too bruised from a fight!
A minstrel's quick tongue can make you feel right!
Don't chase after a married man, 'twill soon make you tear
You'll be stuck in the closet when his lady is near
When the challenge is gone, you'll be dumped on your ear
But a minstrel can help you restore your good cheer!
Don't service a King, it's like fighting the air!
With a Kingdom to rule, you're the -least- of his cares!
His Throne and his glory won't be yours to share,
And you're -dead- if you bring him an unscheduled heir!
Don't sleep with the nobles, unless you've no pride,
They've one place for a woman, and that is inside!
From cooking and cleaning, you'll soon want to hide
Till a minstrel does find you and away you will ride!
Don't sleep with a Viking, let me tell you why:
Their swords are all rusty, their bed's never dry,
They'll leave for a year in the wink of an eye,
And you know they're not lonely when docking time's nigh!
Stay away from the rich men, they act just like boys
You'll never be more than just one of their toys!
They'll cast you aside if you make too much noise
A minstrel's soft caring is the sweetest of joys!