I´ve been singing this cockney alphabet song called SEAMUS THE SHOWMAN for the last 30 years - and still find it great (in an excruciating kind of way!).It goes.......

SEAMUS THE SHOWMAN

I was a young man
He was an old man
He said he was a showman
And he knew what to do
He said his name was Seamus
And he would make me famous
And said it so sincerely
I believed it was true

He said all you need are lots of glossy photos
And a song about the alphabet
I said I've got the photos
But I´ll have to improvise the song
You see I haven't written it yet

(ch)And the showman he cried
They're all on your side
And you don't have to worry at all

So I sang
A is for horses,
B(eer)for your supper
C for yourself
You can't D-eny its true
If you E-ve a brick
When you F-ervesce
The G-ief of police will be after you
He'll H-ate you for it
And I-ll say I told you so
Let's J-walk on a summer's day
Down to the K-afe
For a cup of tea
To L with worry is what I say
(ch)

When the M-phasis
Is on N-tertainment
O, what a decent P-A will do
The people have Q-ed
For R-f an hour
It's S-enntial they can hear you sing
T for two
U for me,
V-ive la France
Then the W-phonium player pretended he was dead
The X started flying
And the Y-fe of our saxophonist
Threw one which landed
On his Z
(ch)

It really was regrettable
My song alphabetical
Went down like a lead balloon
So we made our exitus
With people throwing eggs at us
We smiled and said
We´ll be back soon
And the showman he cried........