At a recent computer expo., Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For unknown reasons, your car would crash twice per day.

2. Every road repainting would require purchase of new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just adjust, accept, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size gluteus maximus, so pity the small or the large.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before deploying.

10. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out refusing to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Each time GM introduced a new model, car buyers must learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as those in the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut the car down.

Merry Xmas