You can stand down from full alert. Word has just arrived that the Big Green Rock was green becasue it was spray painted by a bunch of radical-liberal folk singers as some sort of incomprehensible protest having to do with the Doritos War. As they used environmentally friendly vegetable based paint, it washed off after the first hard rain.
Currently a debate is raging as to whether the folk singers were divinely inspired by the Big Green Rock from the future or whether it's greenness was really spiritual rather than literal allalong.
Then there are the revisionist's who insist that it was always supposed to be the Big Grey Rock and that the Green was a typo. They view the folk-singer types as the vilist of blasphemers and are demanding that they be forced to sing songs from the Barney the Dinosaur Show before an audience of punk rockers as penance. Regards
NOTE: It is just this sort of blatant mockery of religion that is going to get folks like bin Laden pissed at us so it had better stop.