"Heh, heh, Holmes, you were wrong, for once."
"Was I Watson? See here, traps within traps. When the first post gained no response I decided to "fall" for the obvious trap, the clearly out of context "no worries".
Sorry to disappoint you. Now, ahem, noting the clever attempt to throw us off, the occasional, deliberate use of mild profanity and the humorous,wholesome world view we can safely say (again) that Santa is:
Under 25 years old
Has a fondness for stuffed animals
Canadian. "How do you know she is Canadian, Holmes?" "Elementary, my dear Watson, I like her already."