A man/woman who has always wanted a parrot, finally manages to acquire one that is a guaranteed talker.

The parrot is delivered to the house, settles in and from that point forth proceeds to F and Blind about the place in a most profuse and obscene manner.

The new owner puts this down to the parrot's previous environment and attempts to change the parrot's behaviour and language by talking to it nicely, playing soothing music and never raising his/her voice. This has absolutely no effect the parrot blithly continues as before.

The owner finally reaches the point of complete frustration, grabs the parrot, gives it a damn good shaking and throws it in the freezer to teach it a lesson. Standing by the freezer the parrot could be heard scrambling about inside, this is interrupted by a loud squawk followed by complete silence.

The owner suddenly thinks - Hell's teeth! I've just paid over two thousand pounds for that bird and I might have killed it. On opening the freezer door the parrot hops out onto the outstretched arm of the owner and climbs up to sit on the owner's shoulder.

As the owner looks at the parrot, the parrot says, "I really do think that I owe you an apology. It's obvious that my language and general behaviour have upset you tremendously and by way of redress I can only offer you my most sincere apologies and my promise that as of now I will definately change my ways."

The owner accepts the parrot's apology and they agree to start from scratch. After a couple of minutes, the parrot nibbles the owner's ear and says, "Excuse me but can I ask you a question". "Yes, certainly! Of course you can" Replies the owner. Then the parrot asks,"Would you mind telling me what the chicken did to upset you."

For Murray,

According to one explanation I've heard. The Skien Dhu translated from gaelic means dark knife. No Highlander could ever be totally unarmed, and the Skien Dhu was traditionally a secret (concealled) weapon, which he would hide on his person. No Clan Chieftan could refuse an audience to any member, or broken man, of his clan. The only condition was that the person requesting the audience had to divest himself of his weapons. But no Highlander could be totally unarmed, so to satisfy all requirements, the person requesting the audience was shown into a room where he would remove all his weapons, take the Skien Dhu from it's normal place of concealment and place it in the top of his hose. The Chieftan would be armed during the audience and would know exactly where the only other person in the room's weapon was. The significance of wearing a Skien Dhu in the top of your hose is that you come in peace, intending no ill-will to any person present.

Bit of a bastard though if having gone through all that rigmaroll your right knee starts to itch.