looks good to me. I would not allow full control of Jersusalem to either side..some sort of joint capital, protected sacred sites etc. so that all people of all faiths can worship and visit. And I would put in a token right of return (very limited number-wise..and mostly to people who are getting old now) and some preservation of Palestinian historical sites, if any remain, in Israel. Arab and western countries should be prepared to take in large numbers of refugees to reduce the population pressure.