Rufus T. Flywheel
Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel
1-800-NOPRIDE

We have employed the services of the somewhat strange team of Mulder and Sculley to aid in the investigation and monitoring of this strange case. We at Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel, feel confident in their quirky abilities and bizarre approach.

I would also report that Mr. O'Toole is now recovering after a successful surgery to replace his missing asshole. Thanks to modern surgical techniques he was given an artificial anus made from a faucet gasket. He is expected to make a full recovery although the faucet handle will have to be turned on and off to defecate.

Mr. Marum was found to have no hard evidence against him but the preponderance of circumstantial evidence will be noted and kept on file for possible use later.

Along those lines, the wife of one of our members living in the Dunes area of southern Michigan reported her husband missing today. A tourist couple was also reported to have been seen a small man running across a section of dunes while holding his ass, but police were unable to follow the tracks in the heavy sand. The same couple reported a large man with a bloody nose had accosted them earlier and demanded a ham sandwich or some barbeque then driven away. These two events combined with our member's disappearance have caused us to put a higher watch level on Marum and Lane. Mulder and Sculley will be investigating.

Regards,
Rufus T. Flywheel