Dead Horse, thanks for The Bar It Smelled Malodorous. It's delightful.

Here's the LORD OF THE DANCE (PARODY):


I joined the Morris at an advanced age
I wondered why the squire was always in a rage
These are the words that to me he said
He emphasized them with his stick on top of me head

(chorus)
Dance, dance, when I give the word
Never mind the people who say we look absurd
Take your place and stand in line
Don't move a muscle till I say, "This time!"

We danced at the Crown at half past eight
The Fool was emasculated trying to jump the gate
The squire said, "Boys, I think we're out of luck"
Then his baldrick got caught up on a passing Watney's truck

From hand to hand the box went round
Till some clumsy bugger dropped it on the ground
The bagman said, "Boys, I think it's broken"
But all that was in it was a fruit machine token

It was late when at the Bull we did appear
It's hard to dance with a belly full of beer
"Follow me" said the foreman, "I'll show you the way"
Did we ever make a cock-up of that Adderbury Hey

By the end of the night we were on our knees
But we'd danced for the people, and we'd done our best to please
Our legs were aching and our feet were sore
I'm never going out with the Morris any more


Watney is a popular brand of beer in some parts of England. A fruit machine is the same as the one-armed bandit mentioned in "The Bar It Smelled Malodorous". It's a machine with a lever on one side that causes pictures of fruits to show up in a window at the top of the machine. If all of the pictures are of the same fruit, you win money - unless your winnings are over a pound. In that case, you get your winnings in tokens which are only good for playing the fruit machine again.