Ah, Jayziz … yous huv jist caught me writin' a new song!

Let's see (strums a chord) …

Don't forget yer bowler if ye walk through Portydown
Don't forget yer brolly, case the rain is pishin' down
When ye see a fenian gern yer gub and wear a frown
Dal-de-deedle-do

(Mutters till heesself.) No, no … that's not right! Let's see (strums a chord)

Don't forget yer buckfast if you're marchin' on the twelfth
And give us a wee sloat, there, b'y … don't keep it till yerself
They say that it's a tonic, buy it's runin' me health
Dal-de-deedle-do

(Mutters away like an eejit.) Not at all, Christy. Let's see (strums a chord)

I never met a man who ate more grub than Eamonn Holmes
I never met a man could bate Tom Paulin at the pomes
And poor oul' Paud Moloney gets mistaken for a gnome
Dal-de-deedle-do

Now we're cookin'! (Strums another chord)

I never met a man before more reprobate than Shane
In seen him once devour some stuff I use for clearin' drains
An' it didn't bloody fizz on him, he roared out "Same again!"
Dal-de-deedle-do

And Barney's face is hairier than Father Ted's backside
And Dan O'Donnell's singin' is a thing I can't abide
And thon girls out of the Corrs, I'd like to give them all a … han' with their careers, ye dorty-minded pack o' hoor's melts! What did you think I wuz goin' till sing?
Dal-de-deedle-do