Told from the perspective of the participants … a parody of that oul' come-all-ye "Maids When You're Young, Never Wed An Oul' Man".

WHORES WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG NEVER TRICK AN OUL' JOHN

Two oul' fellas rang our phone, hey ding doorum dye
Two oul' fellas rang our phone, we being young
Two oul' fellas rang our phone, we're feeling so alone
Whores when you're young never trick an oul' john

CHORUS
Cos he's got no faloorum fal diddle eye ooorum dye
He's got no faloorum fal diddle eye aye
He's got no faloorum, he's lost his ding doorum
Whores when you're young never trick an oul' john

They were grizzled and wrinkly, hey ding doorum dye
Grizzled and wrinkly, we being young
Grizzled and wrinkly, creased-up and crinkly
Whores when you're young never trick an oul' john

CHORUS

Their bits like a chicken's neck, hey ding doorum dye
Their bits like a chicken's neck, we being young
Their bits like a chicken's neck, stubbly and pink and slack
Whores when you're young never trick an oul' john

CHORUS

Fidgetting, fumbling, hey ding doorum dye
Fidgetting, fumbling, we being young
Fidgetting, fumbling, doddering, bumbling
Whores when you're young never trick an oul' john

CHORUS

When they had had their way, hey ding doorum dye
When they had had their way, we being young
When they had had their way, straight off to sleep went they
Whores when you're young never trick an oul' john

CHORUS

When they went to sleep, hey ding doorum dye
When they went to sleep, we being young
When they went to sleep, out of bed we did creep
Robbed every penny and off we did run!

We found their faloorum fal diddle eye ooorum dye
We stole their faloorum fal diddle eye aye
We nicked their faloorum, we took their ding doorum
Robbed every penny and off we did run!