The Sadistic Coach Mark Davies Parody lyrics by Sonja W. Oates © 2002 Tune: Unfortunate Miss Bailey A swim team coach in Casuarina Thought his crew were 'loafies.' He hatched a plan to speed them in Pursuit of bigger trophies. "Methinks Olympic Gold could bring me Thousands -- even millions! But how? Aha! the cleverest Solution is reptilian. Refrain: Oh, Mark Davies, Sadistic coach, Mark Davies! One afternoon the swimming team Was dawdling in the water, When unbeknownst to them Coach Davies Dumped a croc in after-- With duct tape on his muzzle And a 'manicure' for caution, Since killing Aussie jocks just might be grounds for legal action! Oh, Mark Davies, Sadistic coach, Mark Davies! The Casuarina Swimming Crocs Had long sought for a mascot, And thought perhaps this croc would do-- Till Nathan got his ass caught By one blow of the creature's tail, Which hurled him to the platform, Where he landed backside first-- A lousy 6-point 'prat form.' Oh, Mark Davies, Sadistic coach, Mark Davies! One naiad of the modern ilk Was cruisin' with her breaststroke, When from the rear she saw the beast And thought it was a bad joke. "Now, cut it out, you clown!" she cried! The croc, who'd got the tape off, Said, "Ma'am, delighted to oblige, But first I'll pull that drape off." Oh, Mark Davies, Sadistic coach, Mark Davies! The racing team by now was breaking long-held records hourly, But local Darwin Public Health officials scolded sourly: "Whilst we applaud the aim of your shenanigans acquatic, We must denounce your methods as A bit melodramatic!" Oh, Mark Davies, Sadistic coach, Mark Davies! ~SWO~
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