I just felt like posting the lyrics of a great (!?) song a Scottish friend of mine wrote. Unfortunately it comes with an original melody as well. Bob Martin is a rising star among songwriters on the Edinburgh folk scene.

WHEN THE END OF THE CONDOM WENT POP! - Bob Martin

When the end of the condom went POP! (do a loud POP! Sound)
There was nothing to do but to stop;
Rubber erosion became an explosion;
I got no warning when the damned ting went BOOM!
Blew me right out of the room (very deep: TRA LA LA)

As I ricocheted round the walls;
I caught a glimpse of my ........ (look down)
There's no point in being prudish at low «altitudish»;
I flew trough the doorway, and into the hall;
And following me bounced a ball (TRA LA LA)

As I laid there in shock and surprise;
Rubber bits flew past me eyes;
What's just been fantastic was now just elastic;
I'm naked, parts missing, my boyhood delight;
Next time I must try "Featherlite" (TRA LA LA)

Well a doctor appeared through the fog;
As I fought for my bits with the dog;
Well I might be a sinner, but I ain't no dogs dinner;
Determined was I that the dog wouldn't be fed;
I'm Bob Martin so I wormed him instead (TRA LA LA)

The hospital staff were just great;
As they rolled my bits round a plate;
The surgeon's a wizard - "Dexterity Dan"!
He says there's parts left, but it might have been worse;
I said: "Never mind, just knit me a purse" (TRA LA LA)

Things are tender, I still dare not cough; (quiet: ahem!)
Twice last week one fell off;
I'm OK with the stitching, but jings! the itching;
I was nearly arrested in ASTA last week;
All I could reach was a leek (TRA LA LA)

So the next time you're thinking of sex;
Beware of exploding latex;
For while you're performing you won't get a warning;
You'll suddenly find you're out in the hall;
Yourself, the dog and the balls (TRA LA LA)

When the end of the condom went POP!
There was nothing to do but to stop;
Rubber erosion became an explosion;
But there is one good thing that's happened to me;
I'm getting quite close - to top - C. (escalate into thin air!)

-Håvard

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 31-May-02.