This was requested by Jacko after the Paltalk song circle.

Scott

"One Of Those Days" By His Worship And The Pig

When you find you've slept through your alarm clock
And you can't find clean knickers and socks,
When number one daughter's used all the hot water
And there's no teabags left in the box.
The orange juice carton is empty; the coffee pot's furry and green,
The toaster is broken the only breads frozen
And you struggle to stifle a scream…
It's going to be one of those days, it's going to be one of those days,
Don't think that these things only happen to you,
That creation has cursed everything that you do
'Cause the rich and the famous have their moments too
And it's going to be one of those days

There's icebergs ahead cried the first mate,
To the skipper who stood on the bridge.
But on the Titanic there was no sign of panic,
The captain was cool as a fridge.
They can't harm us at all he said smiling,
Hold your course, keep her full steam ahead.
But soon after noting the carpets were floating
He turned to the first made and said.
It's going to be one of those days, it's going to be one of those days,
Why do these things always happen to me?
Just how unlucky can anyone be?
This isn't going to look too good on my cv
And it's going to be one of those days

Dr Livingston lived in the jungle,
With a tribe who thought he was a god.
He'd got forty wives, gold and silver besides,
He was set up for life, lucky sod.
Then Stanley strides into the clearing
With his pith hat, machete and shorts,
'You are I presume one Dr D. Livingston', to which the good doctor retorts
It's going to be one of those days, it's going to be one of those days,
Here am I living the life of a toff
Now Stanley has caused a complete catastroph.
I wish he'd just take his pith hat and pith off
It's going to be one of those days.

Now there's no disputing Rasputin,
Was cute in a mad monkish way.
He was giving Katrina, the lovely Tsarina
More than spiritual guidance they say.
So the Tsar he arranged for his murder
And hired a hit monk for the job.
To stab him and shoot him and electrocute him,
No names and no pack drill, ten bob.
He says it's going to be one of those days, it's going to be one of those days.
If there's trouble about then I'm certain to have it
Is it my fault the Tsarina goes like a rabbit?
And if this is mad monking I'm changing my habit
It's going to be one of those days.

So if you have one of those mornings
When nothing is going quite right,
When all that you touch from the time you get up
Congeals to a big heap of…rubbish.
Don't think it's a fault or a failing,
It's nothing you've eaten or said.
And all you can do when it happens to you
Is sing s you head back to bed
It's going to be one of those days, it's going to be one of those days,
It isn't a blessing, it feels like a curse,
When things keep on turning from bad into worse
And you can't even think of a line for this song
That'll rhyme or scan or any bloody thing!
And it's going to be one of those days!