You are all so wonderful for caring about me, and each other. Thanks.

I am doing OK - moments of fear and panic, but more of certainty and hope. The worst part has been that my husband completely rejects my reasons for needing to do this. I had a very naive expectation that he would say "you're right, things are bad between us, let's spare everyone any more of this and move on". Wrong, wrong, wrong. When I got a good look at his view of what I'm doing it really shook me and it took a couple of days to get out of that pit of self-loathing. Of all times for my therapist to go on vacation. But the mudcat, some e-mails from friends and my sister helped me back to a more healthy perspective. I think it's good I dealt with this now rather than later. I feel like a boat with new set of rigging that just weathered its first squall.

Deda, thanks for sharing your experience. It really is a comfort to read your story and think "wow, her too?" I'm 5'6" and weighed 105 last July. Had to be hospitalized for acute anxiety. Spent six months trying to kick an addiction to Ativan. All because I wanted out and didn't think that was an option. I do want my daughters to learn from me that change is possible, and doesn't have to be devastating.

I've set a moving date of Sept 12, and hope that we will have the kids' custody worked out by then. I suspect that we'll be doing a nested custody arrangement (the parents take turns in the house with the kids so the kids don't have to move). I look forward to finishing this year-long task of piecing myself back together. I expect more pain. ANd more fun - maybe even with my husband. We'll see.

JTT - I love my job, time on mudcat notwithstanding ;)