IF I WERE A DOG
Colm Gallagher

1. If I was a dog, I'd wag me tail
And sit me down beside the fire.
Girls could pat me on the head
Or anywhere else their hearts desire.
I wouldn't be chasin' after cats.
I wouldn't be howlin' at the moon.
I wouldn't be bothered with things like that.
If I was a dog, what I'd be doin'!

CHORUS:
O ho! O ho! If I was a dog, I'd have me day.
O ho! O ho! Wouldn't I be waggin' me tail?

2. If I was a dog, I'd eat the best,
And only the best that money could buy.
I'd be in the butcher's shop
Lickin' the leg of the butcher's wife.
I'd be feedin' on filet mignon,
Pelican fingers and lobster fins,
And delicate frogs. If I was a dog,
I'd never go rootin' in somebody's bins. CHORUS

3. If I was a dog, I wouldn't be on
For herdin' sheep or chasin' hares.
I wouldn't be snorin' in me sleep,
Or diggin' a hole to God-knows-where.
I wouldn't be much for pullin' a sled
Like huskies up in the Yukon do.
I'd prefer to be home in me bed
With a Pekinese, poodle or Kerry blue. CHORUS

4. And woe betide the fella who tried
To spay the wife or neuter me.
Before I'd let him away with that,
Begob! I'd show him me pedigree.
Oh, I'd put up a hell of a fight
And wouldn't it be a sight to see?
With one strategic nip,
The neuterer becomin' the neuteree. CHORUS

5. And sooner or later, I'd father a litter
And teach the little ones how to be.
If ever they tried to get smart, by Jasus,
I'd chase the lot o' them up a tree.
So if you're travellin' down the street,
And a handsome dog you happen to see,
Steppin' it out, give him a shout,
'Cause you could be you, and that could be me. CHORUS


From Colm Gallagher's 'Reel in the Flickering Light'.

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Gordon Bok recording: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFDwdu01OHk