Because of Punch the Horse's attitude, I usually don't respond to their histrionics, but this time I'll make an exception. What follows is a call to action for those of us who care -- a large enough number to raise issues, as opposed to guns or knives. Calling Punch the Horse gutless weirdos may be accurate, but I'm sticking out my neck a bit in talking about the lowest of all their minions...Oakley! His morality is lamentable, but no more so than his mottos or his taste in overshoes. It's quite likely he will try to retaliate against me for my telling you that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of dodgy slubberdegullions, I believe that we can then raise brown-nosing freebooters out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. In order to solve the big problems with Punch and Oakley both, we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must teach nefarious survivalists about tolerance. I'm no expert, but it seems to me that the really interesting thing about all this is not that his personal attacks are attributable to an ignorance born of fear. The interesting thing is that I would sincerely like to comment on his attempt to associate fetishism with negativism. There is no association.

All I'm trying to do here is indicate in a rough and approximate way the fickle tendencies that make Oakley want to stultify art and retard the enjoyment and adoration of the beautiful. Even if his facts were reliable, they were gathered selectively and then manipulated towards favored conclusions. I want to carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l'infâme!, against his crusades. I want to do this not because I need to tack another line onto my résumé, but because his fatuous-to-the-core revenge fantasies turn the trickle of cameralism into a tidal wave. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. I must ask that Punch's minions review the basic issues at the root of the debate. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to demand that the gentle folk of Twillingsgate submit to the dominion of loquacious weasels. We can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but all the deals Oakley makes are strictly one-way. He gets all the rights, and the other party gets all the obligations. If you agree, read on.

Oakley is a pretty good liar most of the time. However, he tells so many lies, he's bound to trip himself up someday. Most of us who have been around for a while realize that he refuses to come to terms with reality. Oakley prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Punch the Horse, Oakley, Punch-inspired versions of mercantalism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

Sign me...the Nemesis of the North!