Lamarca

You're a treasure

From the dim & distant memories, can I suggest the following?

Thanks for these lyrics - they're great. Few points

I would guess that bricton is a suburb of Glasgow,
though I could not find it on the map

the Palais was a local dance hall
The cludgy is local parlance for a primitive external water closet

half-buggered off Sharpies(?) Could this be
he buggered off sharpish? would make sense

  THE COD LIVER OIL AND THE ORANGE JUICE
  
  
Well, oot of the east, there came a hard man,  
Ohhoohh, all the way from Bricton   
  
     Ahhahh, glory hallelujah,  
     Cod liver oil and the orange juice.  
  
Well, he went intae a pub and he come oot paralytic,  
Ohhoohh, VP and cider,  
  
     Aahhahh, what a hell of a mixture,  
     Cod liver oil and the orange juice.  
  
     Spoken aside:"Sex rears its ugly head now!"  
  
Does this bus go to the Danister Palais  
Ohhoohh, I'm lookin' for a lumber,  
  
     Ahhahh, glory hallelujah,  
     Cod liver oil and the orange juice.  
  
     Spoken: "Eyes up the talent, and lo, and behold..."  
  
In the dancin' he met Hairy Mary,  
Ohhohh, the flo'or o' the Gorbels,   
  
     Aahhahh, etc.  
  
     Spoken: "He chats her up.."  
  
"Ah, noo, Mary, are ye dancin'?"  
"Oh, no, it's jest the way I'm standin'"  
  
     Aahahh, etc.  
  
     Spoken:"Rebuffed!"  
  
"Well, then, Mary, you're one in a million",  
"Ohhohh, so's yer chances!"  
  
     Aahhahh, etc.  
  
     Spoken:"Rebuffed again!"  
  
"Well, then, Mary, can I run ye hame?  
Ohhoohh, I've got a pair of sandshoes"  
  
     Aahhaahh," yer hell of a funny..."etc  
  
     Spoken:"Never say die; sways aboot non-chalantly pickin' his nails wi' 'is bayonet; an 'e  
     knocks 'er off!..."  
  
Well, doon through the back close, and intae the dunny,  
Ohhoohh, it wasnae for the first time,  
  
     Aahhahh, etc.  
  
Then oot came her mammy, she was goin' tae the cludgy  
Ohhoohh, he buggered off sharpish  
  
     Aahhahh, etc.  
  
Noo Hairy Mary's lookin' for her hard man  
Ohhoohh, he's joined the Foreign Legion  
  
     Aahhaahh, Sahara under a camel  
     Cod liver oil and the orange juice  
  
Then Hairy Mary had a little baby,  
Ohhoohh, his father's in the army,  
  
     Aahhaahh, glory hallelujah,  
     Cod liver oil and the orange juice.