A few for ya!

On one of the Kingston Trio CD's (which I do not own, but I'm sure a lot of you do), the banjo player is tuning a horrendously off-note string. Says another member, "You know when you get that thing in tune, you should weld it... the guitar, too."

Was participating in a stunt show at a renfaire. As a tradition, for the last show, everyone showed up in their boxers. Except one guy. He's huge. We eventually taped two pair of boxers to him, one on the front, one on the back. When he came out on stage to model for the audience, everyone applauded when they saw the Guinness boxers taped to his front, but were remarkably silent when they saw the Frosted Flakes boxers affixed to his posterior. Not one to suffer a dead crowd, I quipped "Breakfast of champions!" It took a few seconds, but most of the audience got it.

While eating with a group of people froma rennaissance festival, my Scottish (now ex-)girlfriend was asked if she had tried the leg of lamb available on site. She replied that she'd never been a fan of mutton. After a day of faire, I couldn't resist: "Yeah," says I. "Cannibalism isn't much her style. After all, that could be a distant relative." She damn near knocked me out of my chair with a strong backhand.

I've got relatively long hair for a male of the species, and for some reason when I pull out the hairtie and let it down, girls like to come up behind me and play with it. One guy asked me once, while in a pub, why I was able to chat up so many attractive young ladies. I responded, deadpan, "I'm borrowing Oded's hair." A few of the ladies snickered at his bemused look. I don't think he got it...

I was, for many years, in a band that performed cowboy music (think not Shania Twain, think late-1800's, with chaps and guitars around a campfire on the open plain). Normally, somewhere in the middle of the set, my dad would step up to the mic and announce that we did, in fact, take requests. To which I would respond in the back, "But we're going to keep playing anyways."

I think that's enough out o' me for now... My pizza just got here, anyhoo.

-J

"Go oft to the houses of your friends, for weeds choke the unused path." -R.W. Emerson