Weeuns wantid ta say Happy Birfday ta ya too Tweed but I wuz wundrin iffen ya cud hep us out a bit too. Y'all mite remember when we cured Paw of hiz roids with the magnetic ass healin ring and all? Well I gess the scar tishoo wuz given him sum problemz and fer sum reason he dint come an axt us about another magnetic ass healin but insted he went ta sum bunghole Doc whut give him sum spawzitooreez.

Now I dunno whut it iz thet thay do but Paw's bin havin one helluva time. Reely it ain't a problem fer Paw az much az itz a problem fer Buford, me, an the Reg boyz. Ya see, Paw gitz kinda lonely like alayin around with them spawzitooreez stuck up him but ever time me an the uther fellers stop by ta see him, he gitz reel ecksited like an I gess hiz butt clenches up on him and the dam thing comes a flyin outta hiz ass like a bullitt. The first time it happint the spawzitooree went a rickashayun offen tha wall, nockt over a plastic Jesus an went up Buford's left nosehole an dang neer put hiz eyeball out. Tha onlyest gud thing about it wuz thet Buford is genrally all stufft up in hiz signassis an now hiz left nosehole is cleer az a bell. Then when we stoppt agin, tha same thing happint but thiz time it flew out his ass, nockt out the lite bulb in tha seelin, and then smasht inta tha head of one uv tha Reg boyz. Heer agin thair wuz a gud part sinz the thing wuz all gooey like an made a rite fine hair jelly fer him. Hiz hair doan smell nun too gud, but it shur duz lay down gud an shine reel purty too.

Catspaw aint bin no help at all cuz I doan think he lissens to us much ennymor. I figgert sinz spawzitooree had Spaw innit he mite hav sum idees fer uz but when I axt him about our spawzitooree problemz, he sed ta shove it up my ass. So mebbee you cud hep. Whut I wanna know iz that sinz Paw gitz so lonely alain thair with them thingz plumbed up hiz bung an when we visit he damn neer killz us with them, iz thair sum way we cud visit without danger? We wuz thinkin thet duck tape mite werk. Whaddaya think?

CLETUS HARDDINGER