France is the only country that ever lost two wars to Italians. The French have gotten the surrender business down to a science. To save time, they figured out a way to surrender even before a shot is fired. Nobody ever aimed even a bow and arrow at Paris but the Germans looked like they were going to do it and the French immediately gave up the city. The last French general who won any wars was Napoleon, but he was not a Frenchman, he was a Corsican. The first Muslims to ever defeat a western army since the Crusades were the Algerians, who kicked the French out of their country. The only war France ever won was the French Revolution and that's because they were fighting against themselves.

In the Second World War, when the Americans liberated Paris it was a culture shock to French women finally to be sleeping with men who didn't call them "Fraulein." We all remember that the French shaved the hair off women who had slept with the German occupiers, but they had to stop the hair cuts since the country was about to go into the history books as being the only nation of bald-headed women.

With or without the French, America will quickly conquer Iraq. The French are undoubtedly concerned that when the fighting is over, and all the missiles and all the other weapons that the Iraqis said do not exist show up, they probably will have "Made in France" stamped all over them.


Americans should boycott French products. The fact is, because of French cowardice the lives of American soldiers are now at greater risk. There are many items that we as Americans could do without because of their French origin. The reason the French invented perfume was that they stink, but other countries also make colognes. We all ought to walk by the counters selling Christian Dior, Chanel and Cartier. We should not take Club Med vacations nor go anywhere on Air France.

We have been indoctrinated into believing that anything with a French name has some special mystique. If you take the same garment and instead of the label saying Christian Dior, it says Hymie Lipschutz, nobody would buy it. In fact, they would probably cut off the label. Evian water is basically only as good as tap water. If you put bubbles in it, you would have seltzer, but nobody would drink it with that name. If it were called "Seltzier," seltzer would become a major hit.