Well, I'm not going to sit here and be cool, so here goes:

Ah HATES snails and slugs!
Ah said, I HATES SNAILS AND SLUGS!!!
Puts me into quite a brew,
They eats mah new little plants, they do.

Ah wants to put dynamite in they little pants.
Whenever Ah finds 'em in my plants.
'Sted, Ah squishes they little heads
And mashes 'em til they's a heap o' dead.

Ah had purty pansies and p'tunies, too
Lookin' so sweet in the early dew.
But WAIT! Than ain't dew, mah dear!
It's slimy slug and snail trails, all a-smear.

So Ah puts out cans and cans o' beer
And they speed SLOWLY to drown in 'ere.
Onliest problem, they sent out word
Now the alcoholic gastropods come in herds.

(Now, don't pedanticize on me, I never said I was a poet, just a really pissed off gardener. Thanks, Bobert, for a much-needed thread!)

~;o) Mary