Why, why, oh why-oh, Why did I ever leave Ohio? Why did I wander, why did I roam When life was so HAp-py at home...

The exile's lament. Don't forget that Ohio is also the birthplace of Smucker's, makers of sugared fruit for bread. It also baoasts the highest number of people who can spell "Schembechler", the former football coach of the team from that state up North. Certainly more good spellers than Militiagan. (God I hope I spelled that right-but if not, remember, I'm an expat.) It also had a running claim on "Amusement Park Capitol of the World" until some deal fell through. And, my friends who watch daytime TV tell me that Ohio fields more guests for Jerry, Sally Jessy and the rest of the gang than eny other state in the Union. Could be because Jerry Springer was mayor of the fair city of Cincinnati (which would have the largest zoo in the world if the state would approve funds to fence Kentucky) until his reputation was sullied by bouncing a check to a hooker. Keep that checkbook balanced, kids! Plus, Klinger was from Toledo.

(We also have a long tradition of insulting our bordering states but it's all in good fun, my Kentucky and Michigan buddies. I conscientiously avoided West Virginia.)