Reports of certain generalizations as to the nature, character and attitudes of Australians filtered to me as I lay in bed this morning enjoying an early morning cuppa (short for cup of tea.) As a proud Australian and, I hope, a good citizen of the world, I would like to put some perspective on the matter of the massed bands for the Sydney 2000 Olympics. First of all, SOCOG (Sydney Organising Committee for the Olympic Games) are a bunch of pinheads who could not organise a Piss Up (drinking binge) in a brewery.

Apart from bribing anyone who looked like they needed it, they have managed to offend just about every sector of Australian society, so don't feel special.

The best example is asking the federal government for funding, then calling it the Sydney Olympics. If they want Sydney to be the focus of the world then let Sydney pay for it. If they want Australia to pay for it then let

s call it the Australian Olympic games -- (Sydney).

Their feather-bedding, pork-barrelling and general arrogance is making just about every one down under barf.

The general attitude in Australia (or at least my circle of family and friends, which extends to four states) is that they should never have asked overseas performers to our opening without asking us first.

No offence, guys, but we can sort of do these things ourselves, although it would have been an exciting spectacle.

OK, having made that blunder, they should have then stuck to their promises. Public opinion may have been fired up, but the sensibilities of a few anti-U.S. Australians (yes, the same ones who would beg for assistance if Indonesia got wise) to me is irrelevant against the disappointment which your bands, their families and supporters must be feeling.

It is to these victims of the most high profile incompetence this country has experienced (since the British landed us on Gallipolli) that this Australian seriously and sincerely apologises.

Australians are not two-faced, back-stabbing four-flushers (don't know what this means but I watch a lot of TV.) Don't judge us by a bunch of fools blinded by the power of His Excellency (and friend of Franco and Mussolini) Juan Antonio Samaranch and the lure of the free lunch.

This Australian only knows too well that if it weren't for you guys we would be eating sushi by now.

More recently you guys have also bore the brunt of Korea, Vietnam, Iraq and Kosovo, showing leadership and a willingness to spill the blood of the same young people who we choose to insult over this band bit.

Don't lose interest in us, America. Sue SOCOG for all they are worth. Boycott our games. Even send Paul Hogan back (ouch, that would really hurt.)

Just remember that our roots go back to WWI and I hope that when I finally get to visit the land of the brave and the home of the free that I won't be tarred and feathered.

IAN MALLISON Melbourne, Australia.