My dear misguided Tweed,

I am somewhat aghast and a bit concerned with your fixation that you have attached to me.
I am also somewhat insulted that you would even suggest that I would consider posting to such an imbecilic thread as this "Mother of all Inane" threads. Dear sir, my time is better spent with a more elite class of people than those found in this septic tank of rotting humanity.
However, I am incensed that you would suggest that I would sign in to such a debacle as a guest under an assumed name. I am quite proud of my heritage and I shall ever sign in to any and all forums under my name, Penelope Rutledge.
Perhaps, you fixation is based upon a fantasy that you have about me. Do believe me, Mr. Tweed, that if such fantasies exist, they are merely that and nothing more.
Might I suggest that upon the onset of entertaining such decadent fantasies, you quickly take a long, cold shower.
Please, if there is any understanding left in your poor deluded mind, cease to use my name and/or my person in your fantasies, and in this forum.

Penelope Rutledge