NATIONAL SLEAZE

All the news no one else will print!

Manatee sightings continue to excalate with the rise of mean sea level. Numerous sightings in the Great Lakes, Finger Lakes, Great Salt Lake and Lake Titicaca over the past week have been nearly forgotton in the recent reports of Manatee sightings in the reflecting pool of the Capital District (District of Columbia) and in the fountains of Rockafeller Plaze (New York).   Claims of a Manatee sighting in a washbasin in Hull (U.K.) have been proven false - though the reporter on the scene did mention a large qauntity of bears appear to have been inhabitating the aformementioned location.

However the reported sighting of Manatees in the Chicago River(USA), as well as the Upper Thames (UK), the Seine (FR) and throughout the Amazon basin (SA) have all been photographically verified.   Some claim that the aquatic animals have been observed to be wearing headsets and utility belts but this has not been confirmed. The widespread phenomenon hitting many coastal areas wherein many of the poulation appear to hear the Dutch National Anthem wafting over the water has likewise been attributed to Manatees - but also unable to be confirmed.

The reported parchute landing of 500 Manatees in Olando Florida is most definately a hoax. We repeat, 500 Manatees armed with automatic weapons have NOT parachuted into Orland Florida and they are NOT currently holding Vice-President Schwarzenegger hostage. All reports to the contrary are pure fiction.