THE LAVENDER COWBOY
(Paddy Roberts)

Yippee-yi, yippee-yay
Yippee-yi, yippee-yo, yippee-yay
Which sounds rather silly,
But every hillbilly,
Spends half his life singing that way

He was just a lavender cowboy
With only three hairs on his chest
And he rode on a filly
Called Daffy-down-dilly
The prettiest horse in the west

Every morning they went out together
While the others looked on in dismay
For he'd round up the cattle
A-riding sidesaddle
Because he preferred it that way

He was just a lavender cowboy
Who committed a terrrible sin
He went out on a bender
And slugged a bartender
And stole all the strawberry gin

So the posse was sent out to find him
To bring him back dead or alive
And they knew as they went
They were hot on the scent
By the smell of Chanel Number Five

And they found him a-lying unconcious
With blood running all down his chin
'Til they looked a bit closer
And what do you know sir
They found it was strawberry gin

So they shot the lavender cowboy
And they said, as they laid him to rest
"You'll be happier now boy.
You can't be a cowboy
With only three hairs on your chest." ^^

THE BELLE OF BARKING CREEK
(Paddy Roberts)

Oh woe is me, and alas, alack!
A tear rolls down my cheek
As I tell the story of Nelly Clack,
The Belle of Barking Creek.

Her hair is yellow as the morning sun
Except where the black shows through,
And her age has been a steady twenty-one
Since nineteen-forty-two.

And ev'ry day she wheels her barrow
Selling whelks and winkles by the quart,
And she'll only stray from the straight and narrow
When the fleet is home in port.

For a sailor-boy she cannot resist;
Her mind and her knees grow weak,
And every matelot for miles has kissed
The Belle of Barking Creek.

One lovely evening when the moon was new
She stood by the garden gate.
While idly wond'ring what to do,
Poor Nelly met her fate.

A great big stoker by the name of Bert
Had come into town that day,
And he said "Cor blimey, what a piece of skirt!"
And carried her away.

And she darned his socks and she fried his bacon
And she scarcely paused for breath,
And very soon she was overtaken
By a fate that is worse than death.

Then he said, "I'm going but I'll soon be back.
I'll write to you ev'ry week."
But I know darn well that Nelly Clack
Is up the Barking Creek.

^^

AndyG