The dots are really a crude approximation for many tunes, particularly for those collected from an aural tradition. The 6/8 and 9/8 (and 12/8) notations are often rough equivalents to 2/4, 3/4, and 4/4 respectively, but with each "beat" played in triplets.

It might be simpler, for some tunes, to think of 9/8 as being a "3/4 in triplets" rather than trying to "feel" it as having 9 beats per measure.

The difficulty comes from the inability of simple notation to show the "traditional rendering" where the 3 notes of the triplet are not strictly equal in time, and may have slight "sub-accents." In some tunes, the "sub-beats" actually move around within the triplets as well. Quite often, an accented note is held a little longer than an adjacent unaccented one, so that there is not a strict 9 equal spaced strokes in the measure. Usually, though, there will be 3 triplets (in 9/8 notation), each of which is at least approximately the "same length."

Quite a few "trad" tunes, particularly those of Irish derivation, can be found notated as 4/4, common, cut common, 2/4, or 6/8 time - all for any given tune. None of these notations is likely to accurately show a true "traditional" rendering, due to the "rubato" used by traditional performers. The 2/4, C, and 4/4 notations ignore the "swing" or "schmaltz," and the triplets implied by the 6/8 aren't equally spaced in traditional performance.

It probably does come down to "practice until it feels right." (or as my son would put it - "it only feels kinky the first few times.")

John