"Shoot the television. Do the walkin' or joggin' or whatever through the lovely hills and hollers of West By God Virginia. (If they're not too Rotweiler and Pit Bull infested.)"

You've got it wrong....take the Rottweiler (or Pit Bull, or any other lively dog of a reasonable size) with you when you walk or jog...that's how I lost 35 pounds! I call it the Abby diet in her honor.