SRS,

I think you would need to read a bit more about what Dr Cutler said to really know the reasoning behind it. She compares human courtship to animal courtship, and in the wild the animals which have the most members of the opposite sex chasing them tend to be the most sought after as a mate, i.e. as the creature who *appears* to provide the best genetic mix for the reproduction of the species. If no-one is following the member of the opposite sex then the subtle message is that he/she is not as worthwhile as a mate as the critter which is the centre of attention. The reason that the book is controversial is that Cutler applies the same/similar concepts to human courtship, and in the context of the book (given that she explains it in detail and I am trying to summarise it based on having read it a few years ago) it does make sense.   It is not necessarily the explanation for Clueless Joe's dilemma or for any experiences you have had.

I'd prefer that you didn't dismiss it as "hooey" based only on my flimsy attempt to explain it.

Helen