I picked this version up from an indie cassette I got from a duet act (Heather Chappell & David Wharnsby) at the first year of a Celtic Festival in Goderich, Ontario, back in '92. I've been using it ever since, though people only rarely seem to get the joke. They are more interested in yelling out the "AND SHE WAS!" bit halfway through the choruses.

Black Velvet Band
(Lyrics by David Wharnsby)

In a neat little town they call Belfast
Upon my love-luck, I was down
But hopeful was I that there I'd find
A wife for me in that fair town

Then one day as I was out walking
I spied her in shade 'neath a tree
So peaceful and sweet and innocent
Here at last was a true love for me

(Chorus:)
Her eyes, they shone like the diamonds
You'd think she was queen of the land (AND SHE WAS!!!)
And around her dainty white silken throat
She'd fasten'd a Black Velvet Band

She was the most beautiful maiden
Upon whom my eyes ever would rest
And she said she would be my true lover
If I followed her only request

She said, "I love you and I trust you
So I hope that you will understand
You may have all of me but must never touch
My dec'rative Black Velvet Band"

(Chorus)

But her throat was as soft as a whisper
And as white as the new fallen snow
I simply had to chance kissing it
But first remove her velvet bow

I wondered and pondered for hours
Then to me the idea did creep
That my best chance would come to slip it off
When my lover was soundly asleep

(Chorus)

So, in the stillness and quiet of nighttime
I moved with an unsteady hand
Across to my young lover's pillow
To steal away her velvet band

Her diamond eyes opened quite startl'd
"You've not heeded what I have said!"
Then her head twisted off of her lovely neck
And it roll'd away right off the bed

(Chorus)

So, come all of ye jolly young fellows
I'd have ye take warning by me
Don't you be too blinded by beauty, boys
There may be more that you don't see

(Chorus)