Random memories dredged up by this thread:

Places:
    The Post Awful
    Radio Shack-up (yesterday's technology at tomorrow's prices)
    Pizza Slut

Newspapers:
    Onion-Trib (Union Tribune)
    The Smellay Times (L.A. Times)
    The Crimes (Times)
    The Outdate (the Update)

Things:
    Collyrobbles (childhood term for brussels sprouts)
    Schmedlap (an indeterminate quantity, similar to but larger than a dollop)

Cussing substitutes:
    Sunday obituary!!!
    and my favorite: Fornicate with waterfowl!

And to show that I came by this language-warping honestly, when I was in junior high, I helped a local newspaper columnist write a column on "fractured French". Examples:
    Pas de deux == I do not care to eat chicken.
    Dans le tren == "C'mon baby, do the locomotion with me"

My suggestion for the guitar-necked bedpan? The Pee-ano.

PoC