Shucks, Nerd, a split infinitive makes great kindling.

Infinitives grow to be eight, sometime ten, feet tall out here in Idaho and the burn cleanly and well. Not the sort of thing you'd use to keep a fire going, as they burn too quickly, but a split infinitive, as I said, makes good kindling. Early settlers used them to make baskets and chair seats, too, and because they burn so quickly the sawdust was sometimes used as a substitute for gunpowder. The roots are edible -- they taste like chicken -- and a tea made from the bark is said to cure ague, female complaints, loss of manly vigor, miasma, consumption, blockage of the bowels, glanders, softening of the brain, jaundice, ringworm, drunkeness, blackleg, rheumatism, sleeplessness, tone deafness, botfly, liver complaints, headache, burning urination, and breathlessness. The leaves work very well as a substitute for both toilet paper and chewing gum.

All in all, infinitives are downright useful l'il things.