All about like a fart in a fan (Grandad's favorite)

If you sit on concrete you'll get kingcough (I think they meant piles....!)

About as much use as a chocolate fireguard

Scrub your nails, they're black-bright

You have the brains of a rocking-horse!

...and Mum's usual cry - "I want to tie a label on you saying 'this child was clean when she left home'..."

madwaff