my mother's favourite saying was

" you'll die after it" I spent many a sleepless night worrying about not waking up eventually I asked her what she meant and was told
" well you cant die before it if its already happened can you?"

another favourite was
" if you dont eat your dinner you cant have any pudding" when my eldestwas about three I tried this one on him he just replied " if I eat all my dinner I wont have rom for any pudding!"

My maths teacher ( Mr Smart) when trying to teach my algebra spent a year saying if I have ten oranges and 3 apples what do I get - and clipping me round the ear for replies such as a fruit slad!

I had another teacher who is mudcatter who used to say 'as the actress said to te bishop....'