Hey there, Mr .Tyrolean Tequila-snapper or whatever you said your name was, make sure that dang listenupper deal is outta the bar by the time we start the Broncos' pre-season game tomorrow night. I have spent many years perfecting an attentive demeanor toward women while still remaining fully engaged to the play by play of the game, so don't be strapping that thing on my face and making me miss a Tyrell Davis 20 yard gain just so's I can get in touch with my feelings. Don't get me wrong, now. After the game I'm just as sensitive as a 13 year old acne victim on his first day at a new school.

Neil, thanks for the reassurances about Burroughs. He keeps telling me he can toss a shotglass of mezcal into the air, shoot the bottom out , lick a lime, and catch the liquor in his mouth before it hits the floor. I think he's been eating Kesey's Venison chili again.

And Catspaw, I'm not pointing fingers but somebody put a piranha in the jello pit. Hey, I don't care if it's been de-fanged!

bbc, I know I'm not supposed to drink on duty, but I can't handle this bunch sober. Let me hit this ice-cold shot of Stolichnaya. UUMmmmmm...dos VEDANYA!