The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #63602   Message #1033987
Posted By: Sandra in Sydney
12-Oct-03 - 12:51 AM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: Santa Bloody Claus (Eric Bogle)
Subject: Lyr Add: SANTA BLOODY CLAUS (Eric Bogle)
It's on 'The Gift of Years'

SANTA BLOODY CLAUS

That time of the year is almost on us
When department stores will cheat and con us,
Trying to steal our money from us.
It’s Christmas-time in Oz.
And who's the fat old jolly bloke
With the long white beard and the bright red cloak,
Who'll do his best to send us broke?
It's Santa Bloody Claus.

Who's going to make us destitute? Santa, Santa.
It's not Paul Keating in a funny suit. It's Santa Bloody Claus.

And who's the kind old caring chap
Who takes screaming kids upon his lap
And promises the little brats
Presents to pacify 'em?
He's a generous soil is old Saint Nick,
Though not too hot at arithmetic,
But he doesn't care, the selfish old p***k,
He doesn't have to buy 'em.

Who's the man that parents loathe? Santa, Santa.
'Cause he has credit cards to overload? Santa Bloody Claus.

Who makes us eat and drink and over-indulge? Santa, Santa.
Till our eyes pop and our stomachs bulge? Santa Bloody Claus.

So when you hear the sound of a reindeer's hoofs,
As it lands and craps upon your roof
And your chimney isn't Santa-proof,
You’d better run because
If you don't, then before you know,
You’ll be up to your arse in mistletoe
And then you'll hear, "Ho, ho, ho!”
It's Santa Bloody Claus.

Who persuades us to bankrupt ourselves? Santa, Santa.
Sod him, his reindeer & his elves, Santa F*****g Claus.

Who's as welcome as a dose of syph'?
Who goes down like a fart in a crowded lift?
Who's the man we'd like most to lynch,
Apart from Steve Vizard or Derryn Hinch?
Who's the biggest humbug of them all,
Apart from Doctor John or Prime Minister Paul,
With more front than Myers or John Laws?
It’s that old bastard Santa Claus.

Dashing through the snow, in his open sodding sleigh,
I wish someone would get a gun & blow his jingle bells away.

("Go ahead, punk, make my day")

Good King Steven once looked down, on the feast of Wenceslas last.
When the snow lay round, he slipped on his defenceless arse.

Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose,
'Cause he's got a drinking problem, and he's started wearing pantyhose.
We think he's becoming one of those.

Copied exactly (some 4-letter words must be ruder than others!)

Glossary -
Paul Keating - Prime Minister at the time (member of the Labour Party, left side of politics)
Doctor John - leader of the Liberal opposition (conservative side of politics)
Steve Vizard, Derryn Hinch, John Laws - media personalities (not on the left of politics)
Myers - large department store