I've always thought this guy was pretty pathetic -

Sylvia's Mother, recorded by Dr Hook.

SYLVIA'S MOTHER
(Shel Silverstein)

Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's busy, too busy to come to the phone
Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's trying, to start a new life of her own
Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's happy, so why don't you leave her alone
And the operator says Forty cents more, for the next three minutes

CHORUS:

Please Mrs. Avery I just got to talk to her
I'll only keep her a while
Please Mrs. Avery I just want to tell her
Goodbye

Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's packing, she's going be leaving today
Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's marrying, a fellow down Galveston-way
Sylvia's mother says Please don't say nothing, to make her start crying and stay
And the operator says Forty cents more, for the next three minutes

CHORUS

Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's hurrying, she's catching the nine o'clock train
Sylvia's mother says Take your umbrella, cause Sylvia it's starting to rain
And Sylvia's mother says Thank you for calling and sir won't you come back again
And the operator says Forty cents more, for the next three minutes

CHORUS

Tell her goodbye
Please, tell her goodbye
Goodbye

---

Note from Joe Offer (30 July 2013): songfile.com says that this song was written by Shel Silverstein, so I added the attribution above. This is an exact transcription of the Dr. Hook recording.