Ole Granny Sorcha...Grandma Sorcha...Grandmother Sorcha...
Jist a poor ol' woman all bent and crippled up with the roomatiz, a-bakin' cookies fer her li'l grankids, them a-looking up at her with dewy-wet eyes as she tells 'em a story 'bout a travelin' drummer at the hearthside, her ol' gray hair haloin' her wise, old eyes, her corncob pipe clamped in her teeth, a little bit of tobacco juice drippin' onto her long, high-collared dress with the cameo pin holding the collar closed. And she speaks to them, sayin' "GIT your everlovin' paws offen them cookies or I'll swat your behind so hard it'll end up between yer ears!"