ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others
ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang.
HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
HEMP, n. A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.