I thought my ears were burning. And yes, Smallpooper, it would be quite an uncontrolable blaze. If you go to 28 Meadow Road, Oldbury (off j2 of the M5, up the 4123 towards Brum turn left up Pound Road (opposite the college) you will start to see signs to Oaketworld - "where dreams can come true". It is a theme park dedicated to my life, work, hygiene, punctuality and my brilliant mind. Admission is £7.50 which goes to fund the Oaklet Foundation which is busy improving the lives of many, in the construction of a two-car brick garage in South Ferriby and the procurement of some double glazing for a dilapidated farmhouse.

I can't recommend the jars of body cheese (£3.00) strongly enough - it was a long hot summer.