Uncle DaveO (and all),

About that common-law son-in-law: I have to figure out a way to get along with him, become some kind of surrogate father, and help him achieve some level of independence and competance -- if only out of self-defense. Hell -- somehow, some way, I have to bring myself to LOVE him. (Maybe once the baby appears -- we know we're all going to love *her* to death, figuratively speaking -- relations will become easier among the rest of the extended family.)

The poor kid has some serious psychological problems, largely due to his own "illegitimacy." His sperm-donor father abandoned his mother before he was born, and his mother's family always treated him, if as a complete paraiah and if not without some level of love and affection, certainly as a special case, even a second-class citizen within the clan. Within the last two years or so, he has identified his father through mutual acquaintances, tracked him down in another city, and even met an aunt (one of his father's sisters), but the father himself still refuses to meet him or even acknowledge his existence. He is still trying to hide from his wife that he "sowed his wild oats" during his brief time away from home in New Orleans!

So, it's very understandable why this young man would become a self-pitying pillhead with such a big chip on his shoulder that he can't hold a job. If he weren't dragging my daughter and my whole family down with him, I would have nothing but sympathy for him. I'm just exasperated that, after thirty years of marriage and making every effort to raise three kids as well as possible, I have to deal with such serious, deep-seated psychological problems.

So, in answer to the original question, yes, there *is* such a thing as illegitimacy, even in this "advanced" age. When an entire extended family is ashamed of their "fallen" sister and her "bastard" offspring, the child can be greatly damaged by his non-legit status.