Fellow wants the local police to arrest his neighbor for petty theft. Cop asks,"What did he steal?" Guy says, "My wife---a piece at a time."


Very picky lady is reviewing the dinner menu and can't decide. Waiter says, "The tongue is very tasty tonight." She says, "Do you think I would put something in my mouth that has been in somebody elses mouth?" He thinks a moment and says,"How about an egg sandwich?"