You wouldn't by any chance be thinking about Derek Brimstone's magnificent oeuvre ? I have taken the liberty of copying and pasting my initial posting from an earlier Mudcat thread.

Since the thread on alternative American anthems created such a response, let's see if we can do something similar for the British Isles. I have long been of the opinion that Andy M Stewart's "Rambling Rover" should be the National Anthem of Scotland, but in the (unlikely) event of total independence for the Celtic countries, England is going to need a new National Anthem as well. I propose Derek Brimstone's stirring song should be adopted

I'm a fine young Englishman,
And I do the best I can
I try to be a credit to the nation
I don't ask for much at all
Just to piss my wages up a wall
And win the Duke of Edinburgh Award for fornication


Now the English are the best
An example to the rest
They all should get down on their knees and thank us
The Irish are a pest
Al except for Georgie Best
And the Scots and the Welsh are a bunch of wankers.

These are Derek's omly two verses. Some years ago I took the liberty, with his permission, of composing a middle verse which goes like this:


You can see me on the street
In Benidorm or in Lloret
As out of the pub at 5 a.m. I stagger
I may act the randy pup
But I can never get it up
After drinking sixteen pints of Carlsberg lager


I feel this song encapsulates the spirit of the modern Englishman in a way which "God Save the Queen" somehow fails to do ...................

Murray