I hope a little advice on a more physiological level might be helpful. I am sure all the advice on breathing etc. is something you've thought of. You haven't said if you have much appetitie, and I would guess sleep is either hard to get or hard to emerge from.

May I recommend some things that are good for stress and may help even out your mood? These are all very subtle with no side effects or radical change. They are nice holistic ways to take care of yourself.

Calcium supplements. Take them an hour before bed and they'll help sleep come, and will help the physical symptoms of stress immensely. Most of them now come with magnesium and zinc added, which are also good. They absorb better with vitamin C, so taking a nice chewable or a bit of juice will help.

Herbal teas to help digestion (drink after a meal) and to calm your nerves. Chamomile, St. John's Wort, Peppermint, Red Clover, Lavender. I would be happy to make you up a batch and send you some (I have some of these herbs in bulk) if you PM me your address.

Consider St. John's wort capsules. It takes several weeks to kick in sometimes, but does have an effect on mild depression. It does not work like an anti-depressant but it might make your daily struggle a bit easier to bear. I find it helps me find the good parts of the day more easily.

Essential oils: in the bath, the shower, a diffuser, or mixed into your body lotion. All the citrus oils are very uplifting. Lemon, orange, grapefruit, bergamot, mandarin, etc. I can get these wholesale and also have lots of them around, so I could make up a blend for you of these, too if you like.

I hope it gets better for you but of course it will take time. The death of a beloved partner is, they say, the very worst event we can go through in terms of stress. Know that we all love you and are thinking of you here at the Mudcat. Maybe we need to plan a Northeast get-together for music and food and drink this holiday season?

peg