Oh Kelli! What a gross thing for anyone to do to you. I trust that person is permanently on your shit list.

You know, dear, if you wanted to come visit in 2005 I can start saving money now to get you to Guam. I would love for you to get the chance to see my new home. Maybe, if you can take enough time off, we could go visit some of the other wonderful Pacific islands as well.

(Please note, this offer only applies to my own family members. Sorry but I ain't paying for anyone else to come to guam. However, I will provide a bedroom for those who wish to chance it.)