'Ello Dave me old mate - wot d'yer mean that zimmer frames don't 'ave bumpers ?   You should've seen Loose Liz zoomin around topless on 'ers, up on the top landin' back at the 'ome last summer. It didn't 'alf get me turned on and yer know 'ow one fing leads ter anover and we woz soon both belting around bloomin' starkers. She'd just got 'er self stretched out on the top and pushed off from the wall at one end an' I did the same from the other end wiv a bit of target practice in mind, when all of a sudden out walked matron in front of me. Knocked 'er flying I did, an' then Liz piled in from the other side.

Matron didn't seem so keen though an' we woz locked in our rooms, an' she 'ad the wheels taken orf our zimmer frames. Mindyer, I still 'as a chuckle when I sees the stains on Matron's best uniform - well I told yer I woz turned on.   'A've ter get back on this 'ere site more often - I'm sure that there must a bird out there 'oo could benefit from some personal tuition from a bloke of my experience.