Okay, like...I thohtu it was time to like regale all of youse with the knollege that I have got along the way about life, women, and getting wasted generaly.

Okay.

Well, I figger the most inportatn thing is, you gotta keep your mind on what is important at all times eh?

Like avoiding work. That is important. Too much work can ruin your hole day and make you get old befor yer flippin time, eh? I never let that hapeen to me yet! I am forever 25, eh?

Next thing is...you need food. That is what a working brohter or other reliative is for eh? Friends can also help with it.

Nex thing is...you need beer...specially if you are a man. Men need a lotta beer all the time. I know I do. Sonetimes it is hard to get beer if you dont' have money, but you can always, like, borrow some. I borrowed a 12 pack out of someone's car today, for agzample. I dont' know who's car it was, but if I find out I will try to make the proper destitution so he don't get too mad about it, eh?

Okay. Cigarettes and dope are improtant too...just apply the same general lawgic as with the beer and you are on solid ground, eh? For cheap cigarettes, go to Serpent River and talk to Norman Kawagashigamawaga...whatever the hell his name is. Hygroponics can make you rich, but the lectric bills are brutal till you cash in and retire on the "Freedom 35" Plan. Wathc "Trailer Park Boys" for tips on how to do it right.

Y'know...I'm thinkin that beer should of been nubmer 1 on the list...

Hmmm.

Beer or food or dope or cigarettes? What is more important?

Hmmmmm.

Where was I?

Oh yeah! Sex. Sex is pretty important too cos if you are like a man eh...I mean if you ARE a man, eh?....then you gotta have sex regular, eh? At least a few times a week. Otherwise other men might, like, start thinkin you are a LOSER! I cant' flippin stand losers!!! And there are way too many in this town, let me tell ya!

Okay.

You need wheels too. For this, it helps to have a brother with a job, eh? I have one. Don the idiot. He can be a pain but he does have a pickup truck and an old van that dont' run half the time but when it does run it is deadly.

He is gettin bald. Ha! Ha! He claimes to be hot with the ladies but I know better. He lies like a rug, eh? Most girls regard him as lower than a dog.

Okay, that sorta covers the basics. It is also important to know how to deal with cops! Lie, make up stories, deny, evaide, and lie again! I cant' empathize this too much, eh? Cops lack all human simpathy and they cant' be trusted under no circumstanse! They are a flippin disease on society.

Youse can all thank me for this by goin right now to Amazon.com and orderin multipple copes of my new book: "The 7 Key Habits of Major Losers"

Decent, eh?

Thanks for lissening. Got free smokes to spare? Come to Blind River, Ontario...the little town with the BIG ATTITUDE!

- BDiBR